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2008年9月

Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin has been meeting with world leaders here in New York. It went well until she asked, 'When do I get to meet Queen Latifah?

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The first day of school.

It's my son's first day of school. It was touching to watch him take off his shoes and go through the metal detector

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Sarah Palin

Matt Damon says Sarah Palin would be a 'disaster' in the White House. I think I'll wait to hear what Ben Affleck says.

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Bill Clinton

Former President Bill Clinton spoke at the convention last night. Did you see that? This was sort of sad...in middle of Clinton's speech, wandering out on stage was John McCain in his bathrobe.

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The earthquake in L.A

The earthquake in L.A. was so violent, they found Hugh Hefner under a pile of hookers. It was so violent, my mom called 'The Tonight Show' to see if I was okay. It was so violent, Andy Dick was thrown to his feet.

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Madonna/Alex Rodriguez sex tape

Rumors of a Madonna/Alex Rodriguez sex tape. And here's the weird part: Alex brings Mariano Rivera in to close.

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Big Brother 10'

Big Brother 10' debuted on CBS last night. It features a Hooters waitress, a bodybuilder, a retiree, a bartender, and a gay cowboy. No wait, that was Madonna's last sleepover.

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Barbara Walters

Barbara Walters has written her autobiography called 'Audition.' There are a lot of surprising revelations in the book. One time, in her dressing room at 'The View,' she was pistol whipped by Rosie O'Donnell.

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Sarah Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin looks like the lady in the bakery who yells out, '44?...45?' She looks like a lady who has a chain of cupcake stores. She looks like the mayor of a small town that's banned dancing.

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Albert Hofmann

The man who discovered LSD, Albert Hofmann, died. Hofmann is responsible for more bad trips than American Airlines. Hofmann later crossed LSD with the birth control pill. So you could take a trip without the kids."

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