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2010年2月

Top Ten Signs There's Not Enough Snow at the Winter Olympics

10. Snowboard events are held in fields of freshly minced onion



9. Since everyone is there already, they're going to start the Summer Olympics next week



8. Silver medal in the luge goes to some fat guy on a John Deere



7. Toboggan team seen hitchhiking to finish line



6. Winners of events decided by game of "Rock, Paper, Scissors"



5. Alpine skiing being replaced with Wii Alpine skiing



4. Winning time in the men's downhill -- 2 hours, 12 minutes



3. Snowboarding replaced by Waterboarding
- Kevin M, Woodbury, MN


2. Bobsled teams forced to use recalled Toyotas instead of bobsleds



1. NBC is involved. Figures.

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Top Ten Signs You're Too Fat To Fly

10. 767 is type of aircraft and your weight
9. When you yawn, the oxygen masks drop
8. Captain takes one look at you and radios for a longer runway
7. You order the regular meal, the vegetarian meal and the kosher meal
6. You're not a terrorist, but there's an excellent chance your underpants might explode
5. They tell you your only option involves a tranquilizer dart and a crate
4. Almost missed flight because you were stuck in the metal detector
3. You know those airline peanuts that are so hard to open? Well, for you they're not that hard to open
2. I hate to break it to you, Stewie, but the movable walkway ain't movin'!
1. As you're walking to your car you realize seat 26D is still stuck to your ass

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Filmmaker Kevin Smith

Filmmaker Kevin Smith was kicked off a Southwest flight because he was too fat to fly. To make it up for calling Kevin Smith fat, Southwest invited him to join the Mile Wide Club."

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Ways Toyota Can Improve Its Image

10. Free roadside assistance when your can finally rolls to a stop
9. Change motto to something uplifting, like "There's no stopping us"
8. Make cars smell like freshly-baked cookies -- everyone loves cookies
7. New model names: the Toyota Standstill and the Toyota Halt
6. Airbag deploys to hilarious "boing" sound effect
5. Avoid straight consumer market -- focus on selling cars to illegal street racers
4. Promote cars being less wear and tear on gas pedal foot
3. Design an eco-friendly car that runs out of control on solar power
2. Point out that no golf stars have recently been clobbered by their wives in a Toyota
1. Add brakes

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Happy birthday to Sarah Palin

Happy birthday to Sarah Palin. John McCain remembered her birthday with a sweet gesture: he gave her a new Toyota.

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Don't Ask, Don't Tell

The Pentagon will repeal the 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy started under Bill Clinton.
Don't confuse that with his other policy, 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell Hillary.

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According to the New York Times,

According to the New York Times, many New Yorkers don't lock their apartments or homes. Madonna doesn't lock her bedroom but you need your hand stamped to get back in.

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