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2010年5月

Times Square bomber

Times Square bomber Faisal Shazad has been demoted by the Taliban. Instead of 72 virgins, he'll only get one 72-year old virgin.

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Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad Stockbroker

10. Uses the opening bell as alarm clock


9. Tells you to put all your money in his pants


8. Each time he goes on the trading floor, he gets tased


7. He can guarantee you a billion zillion percent return


6. His advice -- buy low, get high


5. Every time you turn on C-SPAN, he's testifying


4. Your projected retirement age is 97


3. Every time you mention NASDAQ, he says, "Gesundheit!"


2. Your BP Oli stock divdends are paid out in Greek drachmas


1. He says his name is Bernie and he can only talk for three minutes

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The Miss USA pageant

This weekend is the Miss USA pageant. My favorite part is the talent competition. Miss Arizona's talent: spotting an illegal alien in the audience.

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The Arizona immigration

The Arizona immigration law just got tougher. Now, if you are stopped by the police, you must be able to name four of Larry King's ex-wives.

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