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20 Signs You're Getting Old, Generation X

1. You form a cover band called Counting Crows Feet.

2. Your husband forms a punk band called Grumpy Old Punks, and the only drug they're strung out on is Ex-Lax.

3. The music pumping out of the speakers at the outdoor mall consists of orchestral versions of songs by Smashing Pumpkins, The Pixies and Sonic Youth. Hearing "Here Comes Your Man" performed by the Philharmonic is not what Kim Deal or Black Francis had in mind, though I bet Billy Corgan probably enjoys hearing "Today" played on oboe.

4. When the only stores you used to shop in are populated by 20-somethings and teens and the only people your age are there with their daughters.

5. You start getting catalogues from Chico's.

6. You see someone your age in the "I've fallen and I can't get up" ad.

7. You realize it's been 10 years since the Friends series finale.

8. All your favorite bands are doing reunion shows.

9. When you go to those reunion shows, you wonder who all the old people are. Then you realize they're your age.

10. You've still got hundreds of cassette tapes and nothing to play them on.

11. You tell your kids to set up the DVR to "tape" your shows.

12. You've replaced slam dancing with the Grand Slam at Denny's.

13. That hot waiter at your favorite eatery calls you ma'am. And you're old enough to be his mother.

14. You can't act ironic anymore because you are ironic.

15. You can't get away with wearing your Mighty Mouse baby doll T shirt in public anymore unless you're at a kids birthday party, and even then, your muffin top makes you look like Honey Boo Boo's dad on a bender.

16. You say things to your kids like "I remember back in the day, when MTV played music..." And they ask you what a VJ is.

17. You're closer to actual nirvana than to the concert you went to in '91.

18. When you order your usual sloe gin fizz at a bar, the bartender thinks you're so retro.

19. You hardly recognize anybody in People magazine anymore. Or Rolling Stone. Or US Weekly. Until you realize they are the children of the people you used to read about when you began subscribing.

20. You've been around to witness The Tonight Show change hosts four times. And you can't stay awake long enough to watch it.

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My coffee

This morning the cream in my coffee looked like Barbara Walters.

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インフルエンザ 流行していますね。

会社や学校に行ってこのジョークを言いましょう。

I ain't got no wings but I flu. (≧ヘ≦)

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Fleet Week

Its Fleet Week in New York City. I love Fleet Week. Its the only time of year I can wear my sailor suit without getting stares.
 

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John McCain was.....

John McCain was in the Pacific Northwest yesterday where he strolled through a forest of Redwood trees. And he was the oldest thing in it.

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Two climbers

Two climbers scaled the New York Times building. Usually when a guy mounts a New York landmark, its Barbara Walters.

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Joe’s wife likes to sing

Joe’s wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch. His wife, with hurt feelings, said, “What’s the matter, Joe? Don’t you like my singing?” Joe replied, “Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I’m not beating you.”

Joe’s wife likes to sing so she decided to join the church choir. From time to time she would practice while she was in the kitchen preparing dinner. Whenever she would start in on a song, Joe would head outside to the porch. His wife, with hurt feelings, said, “What’s the matter, Joe? Don’t you like my singing?” Joe replied, “Honey, I love your singing, but I just want to make sure the neighbors know I’m not beating you.”

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Former President Bush

Former President Bush appeared on Deal or No Deal. Apparently, he didn't feel he was ready for Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?

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British scientists

British scientists created a half-human, half-cow embryo. This is the scariest thing since they combined a human with a raccoon and Donald Trumps hair.

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Willie Randolph

The hookers in Times Square are offering a Willie Randolph special. For 50 bucks, theyll screw you in the middle of the night when nobodys looking.

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